I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
