I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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