smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
