we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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