I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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