Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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