Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
