we're chasing vodka with high fives
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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