I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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