I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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