There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
