just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
