I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
