I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
