I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
