I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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