420 ftw
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
