im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am naked and annoyed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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