Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
