PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're like the curious george of whores
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
