She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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