do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I want is dick and wine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
