So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
