i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
