I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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