I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
