MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
