last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
