yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
