Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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