i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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