We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
