i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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