I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
