I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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