Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
