he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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