I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
