Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
