bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
