be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
