I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
