hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
