It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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