Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
