she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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