Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
