I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
