dude i'm inner monologue high
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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