tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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