I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
