so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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