Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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