I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
