i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
