I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
