Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
